What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

One cannot live in the past .

But ive been too sick for many years..

Is it okay for a wife who comes home from a date to tell her husband what she did?

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Can you share summer photos? Day 8

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

But, we were locked up after school.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Why would you think you're fit to be a model?

It was going to be , some day.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Why can't I lose weight?

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

So whats the point in blame.

How do you say "have fun" in French?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

All the time i was locked up.

How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I will be 64.

I never cut or harmed myself..

Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

So, i spoilt her more .

Why was Cars 2 so bad?

I waited trembling.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Who then, do I blame.?

Did Obito ever fully redeem himself in everyone's eyes?

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

My life is so biszare .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I write beautiful poetry .

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

And who doesn’t know suffering?

And i lived it daily.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I was scared of men, in general

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

She loved him until the end.

Ive learnt so much.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Im still living with it.

But it wasn’t much.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

He knew the spot.

I couldn’t, believe it.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Put me off passion for life!!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Would this be the day?

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Comes on , in middle age.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

This is soul school!.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

We all went to grammer schools

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Especially a lifetime of it.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I could never make a relationship work though!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Was to survive, this bastard.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I think the readers, may guess!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I was 9 years of age.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I was very sick at this time too.

He resisted the act ,that day.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She found it foreign!.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

My family never makes their pension either.

She married twice! .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

What did i know ?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I know ,a lot about trauma.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Why did i forgive my father ?

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I have no regrets .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

(And it was in our own minds.)

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

She wouldn,t have been !

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

We were not on the streets..

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I don,t even have a pension.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

She was in good health!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Im dying but, im not bitter.

I was seconnd youngest,

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

When she asked me how she looked .

On the 31st of Jan this month .

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I said to her

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.